Today, it may be easy for you to think of something that makes you glad. If so, take the time to consider it and feel the smile on your face return. If nothing else, hanging around, creative, silly kids will help. It will make a big difference to yourself and those around you.
Or today, you may be going through a tough time. Depending on your situation, it may be good to remind yourself that there are aspects of your life that make you glad. It could be your family, friends or work that brings you satisfaction.
But if your heart is broken today, I realize none of this will help. It takes time for a broken heart to heal. Give yourself grace and time to mourn. You will get through this eventually. When you hold on, you will find reasons to make your heart glad once again.
When I drew this cartoon and posted my blog, Wilted Complaints, I was preaching to myself. Three years after this post, I got into a bad habit of complaining. I rendered myself ineffective at work because I let challenges overwhelm me. Instead of working on the problem, I would complain with colleagues about how insurmountable the odds were. Meetings weren’t effective. The planning seemed pointless. It was all because I was stuck in a complaining mode.
What about venting? Can I vent?
When tensions are high, or when we are in a situation alike a coronavirus lockdown, we all need to vent a little. If I don’t talk with my wife about what’s bugging me, it will simply build up.
The Web Economic Forum has an article on why it’s okay to vent about the coronavirus as long as it doesn’t become a habit. We are naturally going to be frustrated when things aren’t going the way we like. And very few people are excited about being in lockdown for several weeks (with the exceptions of some dogs and hermits).
The problem with a complaining habit is that it doesn’t solve anything.
It absolves me of responsibility
Instead of speaking life into a situation, it speaks death
It lets things fester like picking a scab
It doesn’t make for a pleasant companion (and who wants to isolate even further?)
I am starting to read a book entitled, The No Complaining Rule: Positive Ways to Deal With Negativity at Work by Jon Gordon. I’ll let you know about the highlights. Complaining is a habit that is too easy to start. Let’s find ways to be positive today and keep our plants from wilting.
Fifty-five years ago, it was a balmy Palm Sunday in Indiana. My mother was five months pregnant with me. It was evening and even though it was stormy, they were getting ready to go to church.
My grandparents lived about five miles southwest of my parents. My Uncle Preston was with them. As they were chatting, they suddenly felt things go deathly quiet. Uncle Preston rushed out to the mailbox. To the northwest, he saw the tornado. He ran back in and told everyone to get in the coal bin. He rushed to the phone to call my dad.
Double Tornado at Midway Trailer Park, between Elkhart and Goshen, Indiana-April 11, 1965: Paul Huffman for National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration / Public domain
My parents had lived in their house for less than a year. My uncle says he had no idea what their phone number was and couldn’t recite it afterward. But by the grace of God, he remembered it and called Dad.
My parents were at the front door when the phone rang. Dad hesitated for a moment but decided to answer it anyway. After all, this was a time before voicemail and mobile phones. If you missed a call, you had no idea who was trying to reach you.
Dad answered the phone and Uncle Preston told them to take cover. Mom and Dad got into a closet. As they waited and prayed, they could hear the tornado approaching like a mighty freight train.
When it was over, they emerged from the house. There was devastation all around them. A neighboring house was gone.
Today, the tornado they were spared from would be considered an EF-4. That one tornado killed twenty-eight people and injured over 100. It was one of the forty-seven tornadoes that killed 267 people in six states on that Palm Sunday.
Death out of Darkness: 1965 Palm Sunday Tornadoes-Video from the Indiana State Police
My parents lived to see another day. And four months later, I was born. I am thankful for the quick reaction of my uncle, for my parents’ wise choices and their faith as well as the grace God gave that day to my family. Three generations of the Spear family could have been snuffed out that day. I am grateful to be alive today.
This day reminds me it was less than a year ago when the community I now live experienced the Memorial Day Tornadoes. It was a series of tornadoes that affected Indiana as well as Ohio. This time, it was my wife and taking cover when an EF-4 tornado passed south of us. It was a miracle no one was killed in this series of tornadoes. Once again, it is another reason I am grateful to be alive today.
As we remain hunkered down in our houses during a stay-at-home order, I am reminded how precious and fragile life can be. It may get aggravating being in our homes. But we have faced crises before. We can expect COVID-19 to not be our last crisis. I am just thankful for the life I have gotten to live and for one more day to live.
Have you ever noticed that when someone is in a bad mood, they’re rarely interested in a dose of optimism?
My family was getting ready for a spring break trip. For whatever reason, my wife was having a bad day. It’s entirely possible I wasn’t doing my share of the preparation. It could be that the kids were tired and grumpy. For whatever reason, she seemed to be down and I decided it was my duty to cheer her up.
I tried silly jokes
I tried making humorous observations about the crazy drivers
I tried countering every negative comment with some wisecrack
I tried counting our blessings
I even tried making a silly face and getting right up to hers
The last one was a big mistake. Even though we were married, I voided her personal space. There’s only so much my poor wife could take. I went from being a purveyor of good, clean fun to just being obnoxious and annoying. She snapped. I realized my mistake and began to pout.
Minutes later, I noticed something. She was in a much better mood and I was the one in the dumps. My efforts worked, just not in the way I expected. She poured the glass of optimism all over me and she felt much better.
So how do you stay optimistic in a world that isn’t having any of it? I learned three lessons that day.
It is unwise to base your feelings on the emotions of someone else, even those closest to you
Being annoyingly optimistic and obnoxious about it can only irritate others
When someone closest to you is down, it’s sometimes best to give them the space to feel their emotions
We ended up having a great trip. I learned a valuable lesson about relationships. And yes, we both have learned a lot about optimism over the years.
Frequently, we blame others for the problems we are facing. We think life would be perfect if only that person got their act together. We believe we are helpless to change circumstances and if only that person did their job correctly, things would be perfect!
It never occurs to us, we may have the solution. We are like the girl in my cartoon. She believes her teddy bear is keeping her from her favorite TV show. When she realizes she can change the channel, she may be in a much better mood.
If you are going through a challenge today, consider if you have more control than you realize. At the very least, we have control of our own attitude. If you are allowing someone to get under your skin, reconsider why you are giving that person that kind of control over your emotions. You have more choices than you realize.
Have you ever had a challenging time that became better once you realized you had more control than you thought? Share it in the comments.
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