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First Kiss

Thirty-five years ago today, I came back from a college trip. A woman I was very interested in invited me over for pizza. When we parted ways that night, I said, “How about a hug?” The next thing you know, we had our first kiss.

Who would have known we would be together over three decades later? I sure didn’t! I just hoped she liked me. I was on cloud nine when I discovered the feeling was mutual.

Photo of Paula Spear holding a cup of coffee
The object of my affection then and now

We never know how the decisions we make today affect tomorrow. We can only guess, hope and pray they will turn out right. I’ve made some dumb decisions over the years. But when I took a chance and accepted the pizza invite, I am thankful that decision turned out the way it did.

Life is a winding road filled with decisions. Some should be carefully thought out. Others require a little spontaneity. Today in my devotions, I read how Esau made some bone-headed, decisions. At the age of twenty-one, I certainly had the capacity to make many rash decisions. Some I have forgotten. Others I wish I could.

But today, I celebrate one of the best decisions I ever could have made, and I remember a first kiss.

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family

Remembering a Relative on Pearl Harbor Day

Remembering a relative on Pearl Harbor Day

On this day, eighty years ago, The United States entered World War II when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. So today, I want to remember Pearl Harbor and a relative who perished in the attack; Fred Hunter Boyer.

Honestly, three days ago, I didn’t know he existed. As I child, I wondered if we would have had relatives who fought in World War II. My grandfathers weren’t drafted but stayed on the homefront. So it seemed that came to a dead-end fairly quickly.

However, I had not looked into possible cousins. I subscribe to FamilySearch.org. I received an email on Sunday that announced the discovery. I had a second cousin, once removed that perished on the USS West Virginia. He was twenty-two.

Relative Died at Pearl Harbor
Email announcement from FamilySearch.org

I wonder what his parents went through? Did his community rally around them? We had a common cause and hostile enemies in Europe and Asia. It’s hard to imagine what the mood of the country was in light of today’s challenges.

Fred Boyer Obituary
Fred Boyer Obituary

Today, I am thankful for the men and women that paid the ultimate sacrifice for my freedom. And I am especially thankful for a cousin and his family that paid a great price on that day that would live in infamy.

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family

Thoughts on a Marriage

"Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife." Franz Schubert

“Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.”

Franz Schubert via BrainyQuote.com

On this day, thirty-three years ago, I was in an Ohio church, watching the most beautiful bride walk down the aisle. It was a warm, clear day for December and the church was decorated for Christmas. It was a fantastic start to our marriage.

Since then, we have gone through many challenges and experienced numerous blessings. Through it all, we have remained committed to each other. One of those challenges occurred in 2001 when I was laid off from a publishing company.

I was working a contract job as a graphic designer and we just celebrated our thirteenth anniversary. A coworker asked me what our secret was to a happy marriage. Without much thought, I blurted, “mutual submission.” I could tell that took her by surprise. She didn’t want to hear that. But twenty years later, I still hold it to be true.

Now some would say that isn’t a “biblical marriage.” They would tell me the scriptures say it is the wife should submit to the husband. After all, Ephesians 5:22–24 says that. And while I agree, I assert you can’t have Ephesians 5:22–24 without verses 25–33. That section instructs the husband is to do love with the greatest care. It requires both parties to a high level of love and respect.

Leadership in a marriage requires love, respect, care and consideration. It requires the kind of love Paul writes about in 1 Corinthians 13. That requires a submission that is counter-intuitive to any selfish, narcissistic perspective.

So yes, I still say today, a happy marriage requires each one to yield, acquiesce and be considerate of the other. All I can say is it has worked for me, and I am so glad it has!

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family

Vacations: Annoyances and True Tragedies

Cartoon about two teen girls and vacation

Vacations usually take some amount of planning. But this year has caused plans to be taken to a whole new level. Before this year, health considerations were not at the front of everyone’s checklist. Now, everyone must consider the following:

  • Is the destination in a hot spot?
  • Will it be in a crowded area?
  • What does the state government say about quarantining when you return?
  • What’s the local mask policy?
  • Should we just chuck it all and binge watch some more cat videos?

The Book of Job and Vacations

When I first posted this cartoon, the biggest problems with vacations centered around teen angst and whether there was enough wifi for everyone. Now we are more concerned about the supply of hand sanitizer and masks.

The Book of Job reminds me that things could always be worse. Yes, we are in the middle of a global pandemic. If it hasn’t directly affected you yet, give thanks for that. If your teens are merely annoying you and are healthy and sassy, give thanks for that.

Just this week, I received word that a friend was in an auto accident and his teen daughter was killed. I can’t comprehend the pain and loss that this dear man is feeling. Suddenly, the decision about whether to wear a mask in public or determine how much distance is enough social distancing feels trivial.

There are people suffering much worse. If all we have today are a few annoyances, give thanks for it.

Cartoon about two teen girls and vacation
Categories
family motivation Teen Cartoons

Working With Your Teen During a Pandemic

cartoon of a mom and a young person in a messy room. The mom says, "I know why you're feeling down in the dumps. It's because your room looks like one."

This time is particularly tough for parents and teens. On one hand, teenagers are generally more self-directed and don’t need as much time as the younger kids. On the other hand, the teen years can already be a tumultuous, emotional time. When you add the extra layer of school disruption and little chance of teens seeing their friends during a lockdown, the emotions can run high. Odds are, if they are getting on your nerves, you are also getting on theirs!

There are some things you can do to help each other and your relationship during this time.

  • Acknowledge that this is difficult for them as well as you.
    • They are thinking about their future, and what it will look like to be an adult in a few years.
    • The teen years are already a time of extreme emotions and this isn’t helping!
    • They have tough decisions about testing, college, and graduation.
    • They know this is uncharted waters for everyone, including their peers and those they look up to.
  • Give them the opportunity to talk about this with you, with others, or another trusted adult.
    • If they don’t have the contact information, reach out to a friend, family member, counselor, or spiritual leader and help them talk through their feelings.
  • Allow them to have some self-expression, even if it means their room looks like the local landfill.
  • Be humble enough to admit with them you don’t have all the answers, but you will work with them and help them as the months roll on. Let them know they are not alone in figuring this out.

It is an unprecedented time. But in each challenge, there are also opportunities. There are opportunities for growth and opportunities to make your family bond stronger. Through all of this, acknowledge your emotions while striving to look up. We will get through this!

cartoon of a mom and a young person in a messy room. The mom says, "I know why you're feeling down in the dumps. It's because your room looks like one."