We all have our fears and worries. A dentist appointment ranks up there with the fear of public speaking and dangerous animals. I’m sorry but this cartoon from the past probably won’t help ease your dental anxiety.
However, there are some good resources out there for those suffering this fear.
When we make our plans, we like to think that the path we have laid out is the only correct one. But when we have trouble plotting that path, it can spin us into an infinite loop of analysis paralysis. We tend to forget that there are many ways to move forward.
Frequently, there is more than one way to make progress. And it is better to move than to sit still. Yet the fear of getting the journey wrong can stop us. It did for me several years ago. I learned that fear is not motivational. It just freezes us in our tracks.
There are times when it is better to stand still. When we are lost, it is better to stay put while someone attempts to find us. That is good advice when we are lost in a wilderness and we know someone is looking for us.
If we have no clue of what “forward” is, then perhaps it is best to wait until we have a sense of what our true north is. However, if we are called to do something, and we know the general path, It is best to get moving.
Our plans of how we get there may change. But if we have a destination, detours and unforeseen roadblocks are okay. After all, a GPS or map app usually has two or three ways to get to a destination, does it not? If we know where we are going, an alternate route will get us there too!
It’s the difference between strategy and tactics. Our strategy may be solid while our tactics need to change with new circumstances. Even if we have gone a similar path before, new data and challenges may force us to readjust our path.
There are many ways to move forward. But standing still when we should go isn’t very helpful.
Most of us fear making mistakes. We don’t want to be revealed as one who doesn’t have it all figured out. Isn’t it much better for the world to see our perfect selves doing things perfectly in a shiny package? That’s what social media is all about, right?
However, none of us have it all together. What is it about ourselves that fears we’ll be found out as flawed, yet thinks everyone else is perfect? All of us are afraid of making a mistake, especially in public.
This fear keeps us from doing anything worthwhile. It keeps us in line and ensures we won’t do much of value. We forget that the successful fail.
Should we be intentionally making mistakes? No, instead we can learn to overcome the fear that paralyzes us. For example, Harvard Business Review has a good article on how to manage this fear. One great tip is using “emotional agility skills.” We can acknowledge our fear and state them out loud, acknowledge what is true, then use our values to think of some possible actions to take.
Striving for perfection can paralyze us. All of us make mistakes at one time or another and it is okay. It is better to move forward and make mistakes along the way than to strive for a perfect, unattainable standard.
Are you afraid to fail? Who loves it? Who wouldn’t like to achieve something perfectly and with zero failures? But that isn’t the way life works. There is a connection between failure and achievement. In fact, I would say you can’t have one without the other.
Nobody has it all figured out at the beginning. No matter how much we plan, it is impossible to account for every possible failure or outcome. C. S. Lewis says it best with this quote.
“Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.”
C. S. Lewis
A few years back, I was on a project that involved the edition of a book. This book had great sales and we were going to update the design and illustrations.
As we were planning for the release, I heard a phrase that made me cringe; “Failure is not an option!” As the comment echoed in the room, I thought, “Well then, we are in serious trouble, because that doesn’t allow for any improvement.”
If anything is going to change, failure is always an option. Failure and achievement go hand in hand. Sure, we can plan and strive to avoid obvious mistakes.
Failure is success if we learn from it. But even then, we have to be careful. What didn’t work before could work today, and vice versa.
As we get older, we can be tempted to turn down ideas that didn’t work yesterday but could be wildly successful today. Failure is an option if you want success. We have to face those fears!
Sure, we can choose to do nothing. It is an option if we fear failure. And it is a choice. Staying put is a choice that guarantees no failure, nor success. But it is also is a choice that leads to regret.
It is better to encounter short-term failure because we tried than long-term failure because we were afraid of the possibilities. While doing nothing is an option, I hope you decide to take the risk, learning from failure, and succeeding is far better than wondering if you could have been successful.
It can be frustrating when things aren’t going your way. Someone isn’t meeting a deadline. That stupid supply chain is ruining your sales! Why can’t that kid do what I ask when I asked him? There are plenty of situations to get frustrated about.
Each time the frustration builds, we have an opportunity to make things better or worse. You can raise your voice and invoke fear to get things done, and it may work in the short-term. But what does that do in the long-term? Fear-based leadership is no leadership at all.
And what happens if it doesn’t make things happen, but the angry words just accelerate between you and the other party? Fear-based leadership become less effective when the other party is no longer afraid—even angrier than you. Then you end up with bigger problems.
There are plenty of reasons to get frustrated and lash out. But Proverbs 15:1 reminds me how we reply makes all the difference.
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
Proverbs 15:1 (KJV)
The last two years have been frustrating for everyone. There is no shortage of stories on people behaving badly because of frustrations. We don’t know what a person could be going through or what they’ve lost recently.
When tensions are high, we have an opportunity to make things better or worse by our reply. A soft answer could make all the difference in your day and mine!