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How do you know when criticism isn’t working?

Cartoon of a dog washing dishes
Cartoon of a dog washing dishes and a man
Cartoon of a dog washing dishes. A man says to him, “You missed a spot.”

Criticism is the most popular way to teach someone something, isn’t it? When we someone who isn’t doing things the way we think they should, the most natural way to teach is to correct the individual.

So why do we hate criticism?

  • Because it can tear down a person if we’re not careful.
  • A small problem magnifies a huge problem.
  • Without some tact, we sound brutish and hurtful.
  • The receiver of criticism interprets it through the lens of past experiences.
    • Experience with the one who is criticizing
    • Experience with the task they’re being criticized for.

How can we correct a problem if criticism doesn’t work?

  • Be vulnerable. No one likes to receive criticism if the one sending it displays an air of perfection. People are much more receptive to criticism if we are honest about our own faults.
  • Choose your battles. Is it really worth pointing out that little spot when ninety-nine percent of the job was perfectly?
  • Point out the good more than the bad. It is easy to focus on the bad news, but who likes to hear it? A critical point goes further if most of the time we her positive comments.

How do you effectively use criticism in your business or with your kids?

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Cure for the Super Busy Parent

Super busy woman catches her breath

Super hero woman tries to catch her breath as a baby looks on

 

There are times a flash of a speeding wife has startled me.  There are moments when we have felt like two rocket ships passing in the night. There have been days when we’ve wished we could trade places with the snoring dog. Have you ever had days like these?

When you are a parent, a seemingly quiet day can turn into a frantic speed fest in a flash. Babies need changed, the boss sends a text about a report she needs this afternoon and the older child just announced that breakfast cereal in toaster was a bad idea after all.

The super parent’s life can spin out of control in a flash. How can you maintain perspective and get a grip on reality when you smell burnt flakes and raisins coming from the kitchen?

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Be careful! It’s contagious

Cartoon of a mom and a sick child in a doctor's office. The doctor, child and mother all have spots on their skin. The doctor says, "Well whateve he has, it's contagious."
Cartoon of a mom and a sick child in a doctor’s office. The doctor, child and mother all have spots on their skin. The doctor says, “Well whateve he has, it’s contagious.”

So many things are contagious. Whether it’s a viral video, our beliefs or attitudes, when something takes off, it can everything around you.

Kids are the most susceptible to catching whatever is contagious. I never knew how many times I could get sick in one winter until my kids began attending school and brought every virus known to man home to share with the rest of the family.

What beliefs, attitudes or actions do you share with your kids that they are picking up? You’d be surprised how much your kids act like you when they are away from you. What we say and do makes a difference. Be sure the messages and actions you communicate to your kids are ones you want them to catch and spread to others.

Be careful! It’s contagious!

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But Why Won’t Kids Stop Nagging?

Cartoon of a mom and a son at breakfast. The son says, "I want something different for breakfast. What about seven-layer bean dip?"

Spear Cartoon 3756

 

Cartoon of a son and his mother at breakfast. The son says, “I want something different for breakfast. What about seven-layer bean dip?”

Amy McCready has some great advice on Positive Parenting Solutions about child nagging and negotiating. Her solution is to say three simple words: “Ask and Answered.”

It can be hard to stand firm when you are pummeled with the “Why can’t I’s?” and the “but ple-e-e-e-e-ases?” But it’s so important to stand firm, especially when a child asks for something unreasonable.

Another solution that has worked for me is think first before you say “no.” Consider your answer before you give it. Sometimes, we say no because it is inconvenient for us as a parent. If the request is reasonable, and can even become a shared experience with your child, consider the request before you give them a nay.

But once you made your answer known, don’t be wishy-washy. That is only leads to misery when they are persistent at the next request.

Be strong and courageous (and consider your no’s before you make them!).

 

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Why caring for kids can be so unpredictable

Cartoon of a boy and a crying baby
Cartoon of a boy to crying baby, “Wait! Stop! This isn’t part of the script.”

Some people shy away from kids because they just don’t follow a set script. They are so unpredictable! One minute they can be happy, the next, wailing like the world has come to an end.

It can rattle different types of people.

  • Planners can feel frustrated when a child sends their day off course
  • People who value power feel powerless, especially if they’re used to throwing that power around. Babies don’t care about your authority.
  • Manipulators can be stymied because a baby hasn’t learned to be manipulated (unfortunately, we all learn quickly how to be manipulated!)
  • Tired people just aren’t going to get much sympathy from a baby. Get help quickly!
  • Young people may not have the coping skills or maturity to handle such a situation

It can  lead to tragedy if someone doesn’t handle the unpredictability appropriately. It breaks my heart and makes me angry when you hear a story about an innocent child that has experienced shaken baby syndrome.

If you are a tired parent or caregiver, get some help. We all need our rest. If you don’t know anyone, reach out to your local church. They value you and your child.

In the end, it is worth it. Children will not always be crying. There will be good days along with the bad. The unpredictability of a crying child goes hand in hand with the thrill of rediscovering the world through innocent eyes. The spontaneous crying goes with the unpredictable hugs. You will learn as much as you teach. You will laugh as well as cry with them. In the end, it is all worth it!