Tag: challenges

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motivation

When we have unrealistic expectations

Cartoon of a dog washing dishes

I wrote a post in 2014 entitled How do you know when criticism isn’t working. We all face criticism if we do anything of value. One of the most common reasons we face criticism is unrealistic expectations.

We don’t expect a dog to wash dishes, much less do it perfectly. We can’t expect a child to act like an adult. Yesterday, I witnessed a mom trying to reason with a toddler about leaving the playground. I felt for the mom because the child wasn’t interested in a logical argument. It just wasn’t going to work!

The pandemic has caused all of us to reevaluate our expectations. It’s going to be a while before business and society get back-to-normal. We don’t know what normal will look like in six months, much less a year!

When you have unrealistic expectations…

  • Rethink if you need to wait for better conditions
  • Give yourself and others grace
  • Consider if there is an alternative to meeting similar goals
  • Find ways to be positive while acknowledging the situation is less than ideal

You probably can’t have your dog wash the dishes or the cat tidy up the kitchen. But you may find a better way to meet the goal. And perhaps an alternative timeline is the way to go.

Cartoon of a dog washing dishes
Categories
motivation

Stuffers and Gushers

Cartoon of a girl and a boy with a bottle for a head. The girl says, "Why do you bottle-up your emotions like that?"

When I drew this cartoon several years ago, I knew whether I was a stuffer or a gusher. It is a reminder to me there is a downside to always being positive, even when we suffer hardship.

What are stuffers and gushers?

  • A stuffer doesn’t express their emotions
    • They may think it isn’t socially acceptable
    • She may be embarrassed by their emotions
    • He may have been punished for being angry or having a fit
    • It may even be part of their personality
    • So they stuff emotions until they can’t hold it in anymore
  • Gushers freely express themselves
    • He may easily cry
    • She may be expressive and love to act out
    • They may have been encouraged in the past to let it all out
    • So they let everyone know how they are feeling

I admire gushers. However, I admit to being a stuffer. Frequently, stuffers marry gushers. I have and it’s been a good thing for me. Because of this, my wife has been there when I’ve had a hard time expressing emotions. Therefore, I have rarely had to play the guessing game of What-is-she-thinking-this-time? She could very well have uttered the phrase the girl in my cartoon says.

Most of my blog posts have a positive tone to them. But I realize not every situation calls for positivity. There are times when denying our emotions can be harmful.

Therefore, we need to acknowledge our emotions. Not all of our days are going to be sunny with roses and unicorns. We need to balance our reality with positivity. Yes, we’re going to have challenging times. There is a time and place for everything.

“For everything, there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven…

A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance…

A time to embrace and a time to turn away.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4–5 (NLT)

In conclusion, we need to acknowledge and express our emotions when it’s appropriate. It will keep us from stuffing it until we have to let our emotions out in inopportune times. It can also help us stay positive while acknowledging the reality of our circumstances.

Cartoon of a girl and a boy with a bottle for a head. The girl says, "Why do you bottle-up your emotions like that?"
Categories
motivation

Making the Best Use of Pain

Cartoon of a boy on the ground in pain and another boy. One says, "They call it a medicine ball because if you catch it, you'll need pain killers."

Yesterday was painful. Without going into detail, there has been a lot going on in my life. There are challenges that call for change in an old, broken system. There are emails that have a ton of information but not the details necessary to get a job adequately finished. To top it off, one of my parents and several of my friends are going through health crises. Yes there has been a lot going on and much of it has been painful.

Our society tends to encourage us to numb the pain. They implore us to take this, or try that. It may work for a time or two, but only leaves a person a zombie that demands more of the “medicine.” It causes addiction, avoidance, and makes a person care less about themselves, their loved ones and the world around us.

There are people going through chronic pain, and I am not telling anyone in constant pain to just deal with it. What I am saying is that all of us face pain in one form or another on most days. How do we make the best of it?

  • Acknowledge pain instead of pretending it doesn’t exist
  • Allow yourself to grieve when the pain is a loss
  • If the pain is a situation, ask yourself what you can learn from it
  • If the pain is because of growth, ask yourself if this is natural and if it needs to be endured
  • If it is a slow pain of an ancient system, ask yourself what needs to change. What does this make possible?
  • If the pain is from a toxic situation or relationship, get help to determine if you need to leave it

Some pain is inevitable. We live in a broken world filled with broken people. Sure, we all need medicine to ease the pain once in a while. But consider if it is something to learn from, grieve or leave instead of denying or numbing the pain.

And if it is a medicine ball in a gym class, perhaps the best thing to do is let the pain producer pass you by instead of catching it.

Cartoon of a boy on the ground in pain and another boy. One says, "They call it a medicine ball because if you catch it, you'll need pain killers."
Categories
motivation

Difficulties are the Way

Cartoon of a man and woman. A man reads a letter that had been thrown through a window. The woman says, "At least they returned your novel with a personal rejection letter."

I appreciated Dan Miller’s podcast the other day. The title had my attention right away. Yes, there are desirable difficulties! Here’s a link to the podcast:

https://www.48days.com/setbacks-and-difficulties/
Dan Miller’s 48 Day Podcast from December 27, 2019

As someone who has submitted cartoons and articles to magazines, sites, and books, I have experienced rejection. It is just part of the process. Not everything you create is going to be accepted by someone.

Cartoon of a man and woman. A man reads a letter that had been thrown through a window. The woman says, "At least they returned your novel with a personal rejection letter."

Yet none of the rejected cartoons or articles were a waste. I learned from each one. I have had some concepts rejected that I was sure were going to be sold. And I have had a cartoon or article accepted that I was sure was a silly idea. Each one helped me learn and polish my craft. Each concept and idea was valuable.

If you are going to do anything of value, you will experience difficulty. The road will be bumpy. You will start to question your talent and the process. But it’s the difficulties, the rejection, failures, and challenges you face that brings success. Keep plugging away and know you are not alone in facing difficulties.

Categories
motivation

Change Comes When You Accept Responsibility

Cartoon of a dog retrieving a laptop

The other day, I had a conversation with two people at different times in the same organization.

One said, “Things aren’t the way they used to be!” And I suppose they are right. Things always change. I’ve also noticed our perceptions change over the years. We look at the past as the good old days no matter how hard or brutal they were.

The other person said to me, “Oh, that’s just the way things are here! It’s always been that way. They’ll never change!” Wait a minute! They can’t both be right. Either things have changed or they never have. They were both looking at some challenges, but had two very different perspectives.

Yet, both views had a few things in common.

  • They were frustrated and didn’t see a solution
  • They weren’t taking responsibility for a solution
  • They decided the challenges were someone else’s problem

As a person who has worked in publishing, I’ve seen many changes. I have also seen businesses that have had trouble adjusting to change. Newspapers are a big example of that. I get that the glory days of newsprint are gone. And it’s just not the same.

Cartoon of a dog retrieving a laptop

But at a certain point, organizations (which are the people within an organization) must change. The past is gone. We need to deal with the present, not live in the past.

At the same time, if a challenge has always been in an organization, it is the responsibility of each person to change for the better. Everyone has the ability to grow, adapt and improve. When each person accepts that responsibility, businesses, and organizations grow with the new and improved workforce.

We can all be change agents. Let’s make it happen!