Tag: emotional intelligence

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motivation

The Dangers of Gloating

Cartoon of a bicyclist that just swallowed a bug. The caption says, "Eric thought he had tasted victory. It turns our he swallowed a bug.

Lately, I’ve noticed it’s fashionable to gloat over an enemy’s downfall. We’ve done this for eons. However, it seems to be encouraged even more in today’s American society. Unfortunately, we tend to forget about the dangers of gloating.

When someone we don’t particularly like falls into trouble, we are tempted to pile it on. We say:

  • They got what they deserved!
  • It serves them right!
  • Now they’re going to pay!
  • They’re getting just what they deserve!

Don’t rejoice when your enemies fall; don’t be happy when they stumble.

Proverbs 24:17
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Categories
motivation

Conflict Resolution

Conflict Resolution

Some people thrive on conflict while others cower at the thought of it. We all face it one way or another throughout our day. The media and social media thrives on it. It feels like conflict resolution is out of vogue these days.

How do we diffuse conflict? Should we just accept it as a fact of life now? Is it the cost of living in a polarized world? A quote by Wayne Dyer reminds me of our part in conflict resolution.

“Conflict cannot survive without your participation.”

Wayne Dyer via BrainyQuote.com

We don’t have to participate in disagreements if we don’t want to. While it’s true our egos can get the best of us, we have a choice each day whether to participate in all the animosity and consternation. It really is up to us.

The other day, I was working with someone who was in quite a sour mood. When I spoke about an issue, I got a grumpy response. Now, I don’t always rise to the occasion. But in this instance, I resolved not to participate. I kept my voice low and the matter didn’t escalate. The conflict didn’t survive. While it doesn’t make for a great story, it did make for a better day.

Stories thrive on conflict. The hero faces a problem, rises to the occasion, and conquers it. Conflict makes a great movie or a book thrilling. But in our everyday lives, we don’t have to make every situation one filled with conflict. While there are principles that we should protect, not every situation is a conflict we have to conquer.

Therefore, we need to choose our battles. We can consider if the conflict we are facing is worth our participation in or not. Sometimes, conflict resolution is as simple as refusing to participate in it.

Categories
motivation

Toxic Phrases and Emotional Intelligence

I know how you feel. But can’t you just start feeling good? I’ve been thinking about times I haven’t displayed emotional intelligence when I’ve had some glib answer to a complicated issue. It’s easy to do, isn’t it? It’s very easy to be an armchair quarterback when we aren’t the one dealing with an issue.

This article from Inc.com hit home for me. I’ve probably said these phrases to someone else more than once. Have you ever said…

  • Can’t you just…
  • I know how you feel
  • How’s it going? Great, right?

Modern communication can be quite a challenge. It can be difficult because we want to be helpful. We also want to bring another person up when they’re feeling down. Yet, we tend to forget how annoyed we can feel when someone has a pat answer for a challenge we face.

I also realize the positive articles I post may turn off someone who is going through a tough time. I don’t know how you feel. Most problems are more complicated than a simple answer and I can’t possibly know your situation.

However, I also know we each need some positive content throughout our daily lives. I will resolve to continue posting positive articles while realizing I will need to handle it differently if we faced each other one-on-one.

We’re good, right? See? There I go again!

Categories
motivation

Add a Smile to Your Day

Cartoon of a pastor with a disgruntled couple. The wife says, "He can't express his feelings. he even uses emojis incorrectly!"

Have you been down in the dumps lately? We all go through those times, don’t we? We face challenges in our personal and professional lives. There is no shortage of bad news. Yet, there are some simple acts we can do to improve our outlook, even when things are looking a little glum. We can add a smile.

This article from CNBC claims that research proves if you’re feeling down, forcing a smile will eventually help you feel better.

“A ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ approach could have more credit than we expect.”

Fernando Marmolejo-Ramos: Study Author in the CNBC article

There will be times when this isn’t appropriate like I mentioned in a previous post. After all, when you have to deal with some heavy stuff, a smile may just feel out of place.

Still, we have more control over our emotions than we allow ourselves to believe. There is a reason good customer service includes a smile. It helps a person look approachable and shows that he or she is ready to help you.

So even if you don’t feel like it today, put on a smile and see what happens. You might even want to tap into your inner smiley-face-emoji.

Cartoon of a pastor with a disgruntled couple. The wife says, "He can't express his feelings. he even uses emojis incorrectly!"
Categories
motivation

More Hope for Fools Than the Conceited

Cartoon: Pride and Humility

In 1980, Mac Davis had a hit with the song, It’s Hard to be Humble. Whenever I heard it, I thought it was hilarious because it seemed the singer had no clue how off putting it is to be so conceited. One verse particularly stood out to me:

Well, I could have lotsa friends if I wanted,
But then I wouldn’t stand out from the crowd.

Hard to be Humble lyrics at MetroLyrics.com

When I heard that, I would think that this poor guy didn’t have a clue. Conceit has a way of blinding the conceited person and making them a pariah. A conceited fool is someone to be pitied.

Seest thou a man wise in his own conceit? there is more hope of a fool than of him.

Proverbs 26:12 (KJV)
Cartoon: Pride and Humility

Whenever a person, company or organization has success, they can fall into the conceit trap. Employees working for conceited companies can become conceited themselves. Have you ever tried to call customer service at a company that is a monopoly? Lily Tomlin had a skit where she was Ernestine, the Telephone Operator. It’s a take on two monopolies that had lost touch with customer service. I thought of that skit when “The Phone Company” was going through a court-ordered break up in the 1980s. I thought of it when Kodak imploded because thought they invented the digital camera, they were too conceited to sell it until it was too late. I thought of it when General Motors went through bankruptcy.

Conceit blinds us all. It turns successful people and companies into irrelevant dinosaurs. It blocks us from finding solutions to challenges. It makes us even more risk-averse because who wants to try something new and risk failure when they’ve been so successful in the past? It turns formerly productive people into lazy slugs.

Oh Lord, it’s hard to be humble! But find a way to do it anyway. We must place ourselves in situations that require humility if we want to spare ourselves from becoming a conceited, irrelevant bore.