Categories
motivation

When we have unrealistic expectations

Cartoon of a dog washing dishes

I wrote a post in 2014 entitled How do you know when criticism isn’t working. We all face criticism if we do anything of value. One of the most common reasons we face criticism is unrealistic expectations.

We don’t expect a dog to wash dishes, much less do it perfectly. We can’t expect a child to act like an adult. Yesterday, I witnessed a mom trying to reason with a toddler about leaving the playground. I felt for the mom because the child wasn’t interested in a logical argument. It just wasn’t going to work!

The pandemic has caused all of us to reevaluate our expectations. It’s going to be a while before business and society get back-to-normal. We don’t know what normal will look like in six months, much less a year!

When you have unrealistic expectations…

  • Rethink if you need to wait for better conditions
  • Give yourself and others grace
  • Consider if there is an alternative to meeting similar goals
  • Find ways to be positive while acknowledging the situation is less than ideal

You probably can’t have your dog wash the dishes or the cat tidy up the kitchen. But you may find a better way to meet the goal. And perhaps an alternative timeline is the way to go.

Cartoon of a dog washing dishes
Categories
motivation

Sunrise or Sunset?

Sunset over Southwest Ohio

Depending on when you read this post, you may be sure this photo is of an early morning sunrise. Or is it? Is it an evening sunset?

Our perspective influences what we see.

  • It may be close to your bedtime
  • You may be an early riser and love seeing the sun come up
  • It’s nighttime and you are ready to call it quits
  • It reminds you of a sunrise/sunset you saw with similar clouds or landscape
  • The colors give you a clue
  • You are ready to start something new and get at it

So is it a sunrise or sunset?

Frequently, we see images and make assumptions. We all have biases. Be careful about making conclusions that can limit your thinking.

(P.S.: If you really want to know, you can check out the alt text for this image or you can ask me.)

Sunset over Southwest Ohio
Categories
motivation

Stuffers and Gushers

Cartoon of a girl and a boy with a bottle for a head. The girl says, "Why do you bottle-up your emotions like that?"

When I drew this cartoon several years ago, I knew whether I was a stuffer or a gusher. It is a reminder to me there is a downside to always being positive, even when we suffer hardship.

What are stuffers and gushers?

  • A stuffer doesn’t express their emotions
    • They may think it isn’t socially acceptable
    • She may be embarrassed by their emotions
    • He may have been punished for being angry or having a fit
    • It may even be part of their personality
    • So they stuff emotions until they can’t hold it in anymore
  • Gushers freely express themselves
    • He may easily cry
    • She may be expressive and love to act out
    • They may have been encouraged in the past to let it all out
    • So they let everyone know how they are feeling

I admire gushers. However, I admit to being a stuffer. Frequently, stuffers marry gushers. I have and it’s been a good thing for me. Because of this, my wife has been there when I’ve had a hard time expressing emotions. Therefore, I have rarely had to play the guessing game of What-is-she-thinking-this-time? She could very well have uttered the phrase the girl in my cartoon says.

Most of my blog posts have a positive tone to them. But I realize not every situation calls for positivity. There are times when denying our emotions can be harmful.

Therefore, we need to acknowledge our emotions. Not all of our days are going to be sunny with roses and unicorns. We need to balance our reality with positivity. Yes, we’re going to have challenging times. There is a time and place for everything.

“For everything, there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven…

A time to cry and a time to laugh.
A time to grieve and a time to dance…

A time to embrace and a time to turn away.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4–5 (NLT)

In conclusion, we need to acknowledge and express our emotions when it’s appropriate. It will keep us from stuffing it until we have to let our emotions out in inopportune times. It can also help us stay positive while acknowledging the reality of our circumstances.

Cartoon of a girl and a boy with a bottle for a head. The girl says, "Why do you bottle-up your emotions like that?"
Categories
motivation

Feeling a little Tempted today?

Cartoon of a man with a desert. He says, "How can it be temptation if I never resisted in the first place?"
©2020 Kevin Spear

I don’t know about you, but ice cream can be a big temptation to me. Then there’s chocolate, coffee, fudge, and cookies, among others!

We all have temptations around us. Advertising plays into our temptations. As business people, we are continually wanting to find a need and fill it. Those needs can be temptations that is another person’s weakness.

When you are facing a temptation that you want to tame, here are some ways to deal with it.

  • Pause to think before you act
  • Consider if this temptation works against your goals
  • Think about how you will feel once you give in
    • How will you feel in three hours?
    • The next day?
    • Next month?
  • Talk with a trusted friend with whom you shared your goal and that supports you

It’s okay to have a little ice cream once in a while. But are there other temptations that are holding you back from where you want to be in the future? Consider the ramifications before you dive in.

Cartoon of a man with a desert. He says, "How can it be temptation if I never resisted in the first place?"
©2020 Kevin Spear
Categories
motivation

Are you going to build up or tear down today?

Cartoon of a bully and his dog

When I drew this cartoon, I was thinking about what it would sound like if a school bully used psychiatric language to describe his actions. Since that time, my kids and one of my nephews have become very interested in psychology. Go figure!

Every day, we have a chance to tear someone down or build someone up with our words. We can give someone more hopelessness and make them feel lousy about themselves and the world, or encourage them to see there is hope and a future.

Not everyone is going to take the cue and be encouraging in return. In fact, some may scorn a positive attitude. After all, if someone receives hundreds of discouraging messages and then they hear one encouraging word, it will take more encouragement to reverse the trend.

There is no shortage of discouragement, ridicule, and doom in this world. Are you going to continue that trend, or are you going to be a positive difference today? Are you going to feel better by ridiculing another, or are you going to be a breath of fresh air and encourage someone today? Let’s make a positive choice.

Cartoon of a bully and his dog