Real or Social Media Friends?

Cartoon of two women. One says, "Level with me, Doris. Are you my real or social media friend?
©2015 Kevin Spear-Cartoon 4029

We live in a world where we have social media friends, the we have close friends. Social media has allowed me to get in touch with people I may never meet face-to-face. My life is richer for those friendships. Yet, they cannot take the place of friendships within a community.

Continue reading “Real or Social Media Friends?”

12 Keys to helping your child deal with anger

Spear Cartoon 3775Temperament is something you see very early in a child. Some kids are laid back and go with the flow. Others seem born angry. Whether they are a Type A personality, or are easily frustrated, they need help in learning how to deal with anger.  Here are ten ways you can help your child with anger issues.

  1. Consider your child’s age. Helping a two-year old deal with anger is far different from helping your elementary child.
  2. A toddler may be overwhelmed and overstimulated. You may need to remove her from the situation.
  3. An elementary child may need to discuss his anger issues and need help finding constructive ways to vent.
  4. DO NOT ignore the situation. Pretending a child isn’t angry may only make her angrier
  5. DO NOT teach your child to deny (bottle-up) her feelings. Stuffing anger only causes it to come out in unproductive ways later.
  6. Look for triggers. Is there some situation that causes the child to become angry? Talk about it with your child.
  7. Acknowledge with your child anger is a normal reaction to something. We all face disappointments. We all face people who just seem to know how to get under our skin.
  8. If the anger is directed at a sibling, separate the two, then come back to mediate the situation. Allow each child to express their anger with words. Make sure the children talk about the offense and not about the other sibling’s personality or flaws.
  9. If the angry child causes destruction, use it as an opportunity to make amends. The child needs to know destructive anger has consequences.
  10. If a child destroys property, have them work to pay back the destroyed property.
  11. If a child hurts another person, take away privileges until they child feels remorse. A forced apology isn’t a real apology.
  12. When you feel angry about something, discuss it with your child. Let them know how you feel and how you are coping with it. Focus on your feelings and not on the offender.

Above all, if you’re angry over a child’s anger, that is not the time to correct his behavior. Give both of you some time to cool off before you correct him. Whether you’re a child or an adult, anger can cause you to make decisions you may later regret.

 

How to solve the biggest problem with marriage

Man in knight armor says to receptionist, "If anyone needs me, I'll be counseling a couple."

I am not a certified marriage counselor, but I’ve been married for twenty-five years and am looking forward to the next twenty-five. We’ve had out ups and downs, but I am relieved to say my bride has stuck with me. What has been our secret? Mutual submission.

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21

The biggest problem with all marriages is that it contains two selfish people. When I entered into marriage, I selfishly thought my bride would take care of all my needs. And she thought the same. We had to learn to work together, show humility and to think of the other person.

It isn’t easy, and our culture won’t help. It will tell you it is all about your needs and your desires. That is why the more selfish we get as a society, the more marriage has suffered.

If you are a Christian, I would encourage you to read Ephesians 5:21-33.  It contains some tough instructions for a husband and wife to follow.  But I have found that it works.

It never was just about our needs.

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19 Words That Will Make People Like You More | Inc.com

A friend posted this article on Facebook

19 Words That Will Make People Like You More | Inc.com.

All of the suggestions were good, but the one that stood out to me was the phrase, “Here’s what’s happening.” I agree with the writer that you don’t want to spread rumors or gossip. However, when we guard too much information at work or home, it can actually lead to rumors and gossip!

Whether it’s government, churches, schools or homes, there will always be some information that should be private. You don’t have to tell everything. There is such a thing as too much information. You also have to consider the feelings of others as well as the law.

However, if you err on the side of saying nothing, the rumors and innuendos will happen. In fact, a group’s imagination is frequently more outrageous than the truth.

Find a way to say, Here’s what’s happening. It’s much more effective than letting everyone guess what’s up.

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Love each other or perish

Cartoon of parents and a son in a vehicle. The son says, "Love, love, love! That's all you ever talk about. Do you think the rest of the world operates this way?"

Cartoon of parents and a son in a vehicle. The son says, “Love, love, love! That’s all you ever talk about. Do you think the rest of the world operates this way?”

For a class, I’ve been reading Tuesdays with Morrie. in the book, Mitch Albom quotes his dying professor:

“If you don’t have the support and love and caring and concern that you get from a family, you don’t have much at all. Love is so supremely important. As our great poet Auden said, ‘Love each other or perish.'”

Often, we don’t see love as a necessity. But it is as important as water or food. We need to give unselfish love as much as we need to receive it.

  • If you are a parent, continue to love your kids through the times they aren’t very lovely. Everything is a season.
    • Sooner or later, they’ll realize how much you love them.
    • Sooner or later, you’ll need them as much as they need you now.
  • If you are married, remember your vows. Learn to love unselfishly, especially when you don’t feel like it.
    • Be there for them in every situation.
    • You never know when you will need him or her to be your advocate.
  • If you are single, find a group of friends at church or another institution.
    • Find a group that you can be an advocate for.
    • If your parents are alive, find ways to honor them

No matter where we are in life, we can find someone to love unconditionally as they learn to do the same. Because at the end, the only thing that matters is love.

And it’s okay to talk too much about love. If you’re kids get annoyed about all the love talk, then at least you know they are getting the message.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13

 

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