Tag: marriage

Categories
family wisdom

What Marriage Has Taught Me

woman wearing white wedding gown holding hands with man while walking
Photo by Jeremy Wong on Pexels.com
Out on the town for our 35th anniversary

A lot has happened since I said, “I do.” On my wedding anniversary, I pondered what thirty-five years of marriage has taught me.

On December 3, 1988, I took the plunge with a lady I had fallen for nearly two years earlier. We began as college classmates, learned to like each other (despite our very different music and fashion tastes), and fell in love, to the surprise of nearly everyone (including us).

Since that unseasonably warm December day, we’ve had a lot of adventures and misadventures. We’ve experienced career changes and loss. And we found ourselves in ministry. Boy! We didn’t see that coming!

Along the way, we raised two great kids, two cats, and a dog who hated children. Considering my wife was in children’s ministry, we didn’t consider that an asset.

There are time-worn tips on how to have a successful marriage. There are also a few lessons I learned along the way.

Today, I am pondering some of the lessons I learned. Here are four observations that come to mind.

Continue reading “What Marriage Has Taught Me”
Categories
family

Thoughts on a Marriage

"Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife." Franz Schubert

“Happy is the man who finds a true friend, and far happier is he who finds that true friend in his wife.”

Franz Schubert via BrainyQuote.com

On this day, thirty-three years ago, I was in an Ohio church, watching the most beautiful bride walk down the aisle. It was a warm, clear day for December and the church was decorated for Christmas. It was a fantastic start to our marriage.

Since then, we have gone through many challenges and experienced numerous blessings. Through it all, we have remained committed to each other. One of those challenges occurred in 2001 when I was laid off from a publishing company.

I was working a contract job as a graphic designer and we just celebrated our thirteenth anniversary. A coworker asked me what our secret was to a happy marriage. Without much thought, I blurted, “mutual submission.” I could tell that took her by surprise. She didn’t want to hear that. But twenty years later, I still hold it to be true.

Now some would say that isn’t a “biblical marriage.” They would tell me the scriptures say it is the wife should submit to the husband. After all, Ephesians 5:22–24 says that. And while I agree, I assert you can’t have Ephesians 5:22–24 without verses 25–33. That section instructs the husband is to do love with the greatest care. It requires both parties to a high level of love and respect.

Leadership in a marriage requires love, respect, care and consideration. It requires the kind of love Paul writes about in 1 Corinthians 13. That requires a submission that is counter-intuitive to any selfish, narcissistic perspective.

So yes, I still say today, a happy marriage requires each one to yield, acquiesce and be considerate of the other. All I can say is it has worked for me, and I am so glad it has!

Categories
Quotes

Marrying a Good Person

Today is Harpo Marx’s birthday. He was born on November 23, 1888. He’s the Marx brother who never spoke during their films. So it’s quite a delight for me to have a quote for him about marrying a good person.

By Ralph F. Stitt – This image is available from the United States Library of Congress’s Prints and Photographs division under the digital ID cph.3c26207. Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=1629215

“Harpo, she’s a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one.”

Harpo Marx

On this week of Thanksgiving, I am thankful I married a good person. For one, she has made me a better person. Not only that, she is a born leader and someone with a caring heart. Plus, she is the closest thing I’ve seen to a superwoman balanced with a heart for God and people.

Therefore, like Harpo Marx, I am glad I married her before she found a good husband. You may want to pity her. The poor woman gets annoyed when I run around the house in a curly, blonde wig and only communicate with a bicycle horn. That’s what happens when you let a former vaudevillian influence you.

Categories
children's ministry cartoons motivation

Why We Need Others to Make Progress

Cartoon of a guy dressed in bright, gaudy clothes and wearing a lampshade. A boy says to his dad, "Does our family ministry include Crazy Uncle Carl?"
Previously published in "Kidzmatter" Magazine

If it wasn’t for my wife, I would probably be that crazy uncle in my cartoon. The shirt that Crazy Uncle Carl wears reminds me of a hot pink shirt I had in the eighties. And those striped, neon green pants? Well, I may not have had them, but I would have bought them in a heartbeat! The lampshade would have attracted my design “sensibilities” as well.

If my wife didn’t come along at just the right time, my wardrobe may have remained stuck in the eighties and the course of history would have changed forever.

When our relationship started getting serious, she began purging my wardrobe. The obnoxious colors, old t-shirts and corduroy pants had to go. On the outside, I wasn’t very happy. But I knew she had good fashion sense and she was saving me from a life of being that crazy, single uncle.

We all have blind spots. If you think hot pink and neon green go together, your blind spot may be quite large. We need each other to make progress. We also need others to help us see where we are weak and to show us how we can make progress.

Cartoon of a guy dressed in bright, gaudy clothes and wearing a lampshade. A boy says to his dad, "Does our family ministry include Crazy Uncle Carl?"
Previously published in “Kidzmatter” Magazine
Categories
motivation

Children and Investing for the Long Haul

Cartoon of an older man and a boy

This may be a little sappy this morning. After a fantastic weekend with my kids, they leave to go back to their homes on the other side of the country today. My wife and I will shed a few tears. We’ll laugh at a few memories and awkward moments we had this weekend. We’ll cherish the remaining time and long for when we will be together again this summer. 

It is good to be at this side of parenting and to see two children grow up to be vibrant, pleasant, fun adults. It makes those sleepless nights, diaper changes, endless questions, messy living rooms and the pain of enduring adolescent angst worth it.

My prayer for myself today is that I continue to remember what it was like to be a child and remember what it was like to parent young kids. There are invaluable lessons for all phases of life.

Cartoon of an older man and a boy

My prayer for you today is if you are going through a difficult time in your marriage, parenting or business, I encourage you to stick it out.

  • The grass is rarely greener on the other side of the fence.
  • What seems like a permanent problem will be here and gone in an instant.
  • Don’t confuse a problem with a person.
  • We all change. If we’re intentional and persevere, we’ll change for the better.
  • In business and in families, the long-term approach gives a much better return-on-investment than the short-term perspective.
  • Don’t let the urgent trample the important.
  • If you have to choose between business and family, choose family. They will be there to the end.

Keeping a long-term perspective promotes health and growth. It makes marriage and family totally worth it in the long haul.