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family wisdom

What Marriage Has Taught Me

Out on the town for our 35th anniversary

A lot has happened since I said, “I do.” On my wedding anniversary, I pondered what thirty-five years of marriage has taught me.

On December 3, 1988, I took the plunge with a lady I had fallen for nearly two years earlier. We began as college classmates, learned to like each other (despite our very different music and fashion tastes), and fell in love, to the surprise of nearly everyone (including us).

Since that unseasonably warm December day, we’ve had a lot of adventures and misadventures. We’ve experienced career changes and loss. And we found ourselves in ministry. Boy! We didn’t see that coming!

Along the way, we raised two great kids, two cats, and a dog who hated children. Considering my wife was in children’s ministry, we didn’t consider that an asset.

There are time-worn tips on how to have a successful marriage. There are also a few lessons I learned along the way.

Today, I am pondering some of the lessons I learned. Here are four observations that come to mind.

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The Problem With Moving On

When we feel led to move onto a new adventure, it can feel exciting. The adrenaline flows as we negotiate all the tasks and plans. But there are complications. The problem with moving on is that there are always the great relationships we leave behind.

retro cab toy placed on concrete fence
Photo by Maddy Freddie on Pexels.com

My wife and I have moved on to a new adventue. Ministry is taking us to someplace new. While we will be joining some family at our destination, we will be leaving a majority of them a bit in Indiana and Ohio.

In addition, we got reaquainted with old friends when we came back, and made new ones. Our lives were richer for it.

So another problem with moving on is the trunkload of mixed emotions. We know we are heading in the right direction. Yet, we can’t help glancing one more time in the rearview mirror as we set out on a new trek.

There will be challenges and uncertainty in our new assignment. Then again, we fool ourselves into believing if we stay put, there is certainty. If 2020 taught us anything, it’s that there is much more that is out of our control than any of us would like to admit.


We are under no allusions that the next place will be perfect. We will face new challenges along with familiar ones. After all, we take our old selves to the new place.

There are problems with going and problems with staying. But if I could, I’d take all my friends and loved ones along with us.

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family

Why my Dad is the best dad

You may disagree with me. In fact, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt since I probably haven’t met your father. However, I have my reasons why my dad is the best dad. And here they are.

Sketch that goes with my post: Why my dad is the best dad.

My Father’s Top Ten List on Why He is so Awesome!

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Selling the Movie Rights

Has a loved one ever told such a good story that you suggested selling the movie rights? I’ve heard some wonderful stories about my family. That inspired me to draw and write this cartoon.

Selling the movie rights cartoon of a boy and grandfather

One of my fondest memories of my father-in-law was when we would drive all night to Florida. He would tell me stories about his childhood, his ancestors, and the lessons he learned through life’s struggles to keep us awake.

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Cartoon: Act your Age

Whoever first gave the advice to act your age had no clue what they were talking about. I have seen mature seven-year-olds and immature seventy-year-olds. Who really sets up how someone should act at a certain age anyway?

Cartoon of an old man talking to a boy. The man says, "Anyone who tells you to act your age is a booger head!"

Generally, when someone gives this advice, they are telling the person to stop acting silly. Either that or a person is failing to take responsibility for their actions. There is a big difference between being childish and childlike.

Childishness and Responsibility

When I worked for an Arizona call center, I found it remarkable when young women would complain that their boyfriends or husbands were home all day playing video games while they worked. I believe that sort of immaturity has to be addressed with tough love. Any able-bodied person should work in whatever way they are able to.

That said, I knew how it felt to look for work and not find something that complimented my abilities. Here I was a guy with a graduate degree and working in a call center. Before that, I had worked at a grocery to pay bills while I looked for something that aligned with my skills.

I knew the responsible thing to do was work in some way while I found something better. Every adult can do something while they work to improve their situation. Video games and surfing the web do not count.

On the contrary, workers can be quite immature too. This article on bad habits that make you look immature at work is helpful. Gossiping and being unhelpful are two key bad qualities. Let’s be professional when we’re on the job!

Childish vs. Childlike

To be creative, we need to be childlike. A sense of wonder combined with playfulness and a willingness to look at things differently is essential. We all need to be a little childlike to embrace change and encourage innovation.

Also, to have fun, we need to be a little childlike. The best times on vacation is when adults let go with their kids and have a blast. That is why the commercials when kids are acting like adults while the parents are being silly are so effective.

This Advice can be quite subjective. I have often wondered if I’ve given the correct advice to my kids. What is the correct advice anyway? Yelling “Boogerhead!” and running away rarely works. How would I know? Don’t ask.

Editor’s Note: I originally published this blog on October 6, 2015. I revamped and updated it for timeliness and comprehensiveness.