Categories
motivation

Conflict Resolution

Conflict Resolution

Some people thrive on conflict while others cower at the thought of it. We all face it one way or another throughout our day. The media and social media thrives on it. It feels like conflict resolution is out of vogue these days.

How do we diffuse conflict? Should we just accept it as a fact of life now? Is it the cost of living in a polarized world? A quote by Wayne Dyer reminds me of our part in conflict resolution.

“Conflict cannot survive without your participation.”

Wayne Dyer via BrainyQuote.com

We don’t have to participate in disagreements if we don’t want to. While it’s true our egos can get the best of us, we have a choice each day whether to participate in all the animosity and consternation. It really is up to us.

The other day, I was working with someone who was in quite a sour mood. When I spoke about an issue, I got a grumpy response. Now, I don’t always rise to the occasion. But in this instance, I resolved not to participate. I kept my voice low and the matter didn’t escalate. The conflict didn’t survive. While it doesn’t make for a great story, it did make for a better day.

Stories thrive on conflict. The hero faces a problem, rises to the occasion, and conquers it. Conflict makes a great movie or a book thrilling. But in our everyday lives, we don’t have to make every situation one filled with conflict. While there are principles that we should protect, not every situation is a conflict we have to conquer.

Therefore, we need to choose our battles. We can consider if the conflict we are facing is worth our participation in or not. Sometimes, conflict resolution is as simple as refusing to participate in it.

Categories
discipline motivation

Self-Discipline is Hard!

Self-discipline is hard

I won’t lie to you. self-discipline is hard! It is especially tough when you are starting out and haven’t established a habit yet. Just why is it so difficult?

I am one of those guys that like to run. I’ve developed the habit for over twenty years, so I do have to remember when it was a challenge in the beginning. Still, when it gets cold and the wind is relentless, I don’t want to get out there either.

The other day, I had to bundle up to get out the door. It was Thanksgiving morning. I could have stayed in bed. My wife commented how crazy it was to get out there. I couldn’t argue with her. After all, in the short term, it didn’t make any sense to face the discomfort and go run.

In the short term, self-discipline makes no sense. But this verse has motivated me more than once over the years.

“No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.”

Hebrews 12:11 (NLT) via BibleGateway.com

Self-discipline is hard because we are drawn to comfort. Everything in the media caters to our belief that we shouldn’t have to do anything that isn’t fun and self-indulgent. Therefore, most of us look to the short-term pain and can’t see beyond the long-term harvest.

It seems like self-discipline is nothing but grief and pain when we are starting out. After all, any change we make faces resistance. However, I am here to tell you that if we hold out and do the hard work, we can reap a harvest in the long term. If you are starting a new self-discipline habit, Hold on! It is worth it!

Categories
writing

What About You, Quiet Guy?

"What About You, Quiet Guy?"

I have no problem admitting it. I’m one of the quiet guys. I wouldn’t call myself, the strong silent type, but I can definitely be the silent, observant one.

The other night, my wife and I were out with friends. We were having a good time cutting up and catching up on the lives of kids and grandkids. The waitress came over to get our orders. When it was my turn, she said, “And what about you, Quiet Guy?”

I thought that was quite amusing, yet it took me by surprise. It’s not that I didn’t think the moniker fit. Anyone who has known me can confirm that I’m rarely the boisterous one in a group. Well, that is until I get in front of a group and I can command attention! I love being the loud one when I teach or act. It’s partly because it takes anyone who knows me by surprise.

What surprised me was that she knew that trait about me after a very short time. Plus, I thought I was far from quiet. I was involved in my friends’ conversations and I was participating. However, to an outside observer, I was the quiet one in the group.

Quiet Kid

There was a time when that would have bothered me. I wanted to be the class clown. But I didn’t have the courage and I would have been mortified if it got back to my parents that I disrupted a class. It was much safer to live vicariously through the true class clown.

So instead of being known as the loud student, I was the kid who doodled on the back of assignments and stared out the window. I was the kid that tried to absorb the details of a story and think about what would happen if one detail was different.

Eventually, that led me to be the class cartoonist. I loved seeing my work in print. I noticed that while the class clown got sent to the office, teachers and professors considered the class cartoonist a journalist. What? You could make a living at this?

I have made a good living at it over the years. But for the last several years, I ventured more into writing and less into illustrations and cartoons.

The Quiet Guy

I have plenty to say, but that doesn’t mean I want to be the talker. I like to let my fingers do the talking. And frankly, it’s more fun to get my ideas out on a page and massage them a bit. It is too easy to say something that I may regret later. A flippant comment can wound. Plus, I can edit my written text to say what I want it to. There is value in thinking and considering what I want to say before it goes out to the world.

Maybe I am not always the most talkative guy in the room, but that doesn’t mean I have little to say. Today, I am thanking a waitress for reminding me of the value of the spoken and written word.

Categories
writing

Keep it Simple

Today is Charles Staple Lewis’ birthday. He was born on this day 123 years ago. I encountered his writing when I wanted a great series of books to read with my children. I soon found out how he had a gift for writing profound concepts in a simple manner. This quote by Lewis reminds me to

“Don’t use words too big for the subject. Don’t say ‘infinitely’ when you mean ‘very’; otherwise you’ll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite.”

C. S. Lewis via BrainyQuote.com

I have to watch this because when I learn a new word, I can feel tempted to find a way to wedge it into a sentence. For instance, today’s Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Day is obfuscate. On one hand, it is the perfect word to describe what C. S. Lewis was talking about. It means, to make something more difficult to understand.

On the other hand, why would I want to use that when I could just say, “keep it simple?” What is the purpose of using complicated, rarely-used words when a simple one will do?

Therefore, I will try to honor Lewis by avoiding words that are too big for the subject. Keep it simple, Kevin!

Categories
Christianity

A Good and Perfect Gift

A good and Perfect Gift

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.”

James 1:17 (KJV) from BibleGateway.com

Today is the first Sunday of Advent. I’ve written before how I love this time of year.

Takers and Givers

This holiday weekend, I’ve read about flash mob robberies. It is where a group of thieves organize themselves to rob a store. The number of criminals overwhelms store employees so that they get away with the goods through brute force. As a result, thieves take what does not belong to them There is nothing good about taking what doesn’t belong to you.

You can’t take a gift. No one can take what is already given. When a gift-giver gives something with no strings attached, it is a sign of goodwill and generosity. A gift isn’t earned. It cannot be taken. It is frequently a sign of affection and love.

No Strings Attached

I have witnessed love through generosity and affection this weekend. And I will witness it today as I go to church and get ready to teach elementary kids about how contentment can prepare our hearts to be generous no matter how rich or poor they are. We will say, “You can always use what you have to help someone else.”

Good and perfect gifts come with no strings attached. There is no emotional baggage or terms. Advent reminds me that a good and perfect gift is coming. It will change the world forever. While it’s true the world can still be a dark place, there is hope in a good and perfect gift.

May the light of this season illuminate our hearts as we realize we can be the recipients, and perhaps the patron, of good and perfect gifts.

“The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light: they that dwell in the land of the shadow of death, upon them hath the light shined.”

Isaiah 9:2 (KJV) via Bible Gateway